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Serving Northwest Georgia since 1951

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Chaplain's Corner

Notes from your Chaplain

On - the - Job Inspiration, Humor and Encouragement

May 2014

* * * * * * * * *

Therefore be imitators of God as dear children. Ephesians 5:1 (NKJV)

 A priest was invited to attend a house party.  Naturally, he was properly dressed and wearing his Priest's Collar.  A little boy kept staring at him the entire evening. 

Finally, the priest asked the little boy what he was staring at. 

The little boy pointed to the priest's neck. 

When the priest finally realized what the boy was pointing at, He asked the boy, "Do you know why I am wearing that?"
The boy nodded his head yes, and replied, "It kills fleas and ticks for up to three months".

 

* * * * * * * * * * * *

 

A London lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by an Irish cop.  He thinks that he is smarter than the cop because he is a lawyer from LONDON  and is certain that he has a better education then any Jock cop.  He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Irish cop's expense!
The Irish cop says, "License and registration, please."
London Lawyer says, "What for?"
Irish cop says,"Ye did nae come to a complete stop at the stop sign."
London Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."
Irish cop says, "Ye still did nae come to a complete stop.  License and registration, please"
London Lawyer says, "What's the difference?"
Irish cop says, "The difference is, ye huv te come to complete stop, that's the law.  License and registration please!"
London Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration and you give me  the ticket.  If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket."
Irish cop says, "Sounds fair.  Exit your vehicle, sir."
The London Lawyer exits his vehicle.
The Irish cop takes out his baton and starts beating the living daylights out of the lawyer and says, "Dae ye want me to stop, or just slow down?"

 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Cletus is passing by Billy Bob's hay barn one day in Iowa  when, through a gap in the door, he sees Billy Bob doing a slow and sensual striptease in front of an old green John Deere.

Buttocks clenched, he performs a slow pirouette, and gently slides off first the right strap of his overalls, followed by the left. He then hunches his shoulders forward and in a classic striptease move, lets his overalls fall down to his hips, revealing a torn and frayed plaid shirt. Then, grabbing both sides of his shirt, he rips it apart to reveal his stained T-shirt underneath. With a final flourish, he tears the T-shirt from his body, and hurls his baseball cap onto a pile of hay.

Having seen enough, Cletus rushes in and says, "What the world're ya doing, Billy Bob?"

"Good grief, Cletus, ya scared the bejeebers out of me," says an obviously embarrassed Billy Bob.

"But me 'n the wife been havin trouble lately in the bedroom d'partment, and the therapist suggested I do something sexy to a tractor."

Don't make me come splain this to you!

 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

NOTES FROM YOUR CHAPLAIN: NEAL BROWN - SOUTHERN CROSS MINISTRIES, INC. – PHONE – CELL: 423-421-3402; Email:  pastor@heritagepointebaptist.com  NOTE: If you would like to receive “CHAPLAIN’S NOTES by email, please send me your email address at the address above and I will gladly forward it to you.

   

     

 

 

 

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